Heaton, Cullimore & Rotheray

These three northern scum are WANTED for creating music for two of the most interesting and innovative pop bands of the 1980's and 1990's, The Housemartins ( Heaton and Cullimore ) and The Beautiful South ( Heaton and Rotheray ).

Heaton and Cullimore stand accused of writing a string of great popular songs during the 1980's. They are said, in broad daylight no less, to have combined catchy melodies, driving rhythms and intricate harmonies with serious political and social metaphors, and, to make matters worse, they attempted to disguise their trail by using self-deprecating humour.

If that wasn't enough, after Cullimore decided to go straight, Heaton simply teamed up with new accomplice Rotheray and continued on his spree, becoming more cunning and devious still by creating many delicate and bittersweet masterpieces - no doubt inspired to some extent by secret liaisons with types who often fall for the persuasive words of such unscrupulous rogues - i.e. girls.

The sooner these reprobates are caught, boiled, distilled and put on public show in a bottle labelled "This Is What Song Writing Is All About" the better for us all.